He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
