Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
