Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
