So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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