Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
