Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My breasts were aching with rage.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
