I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
this just has baby written all over it
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
