i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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