I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I want a musical about memes.
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