Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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