so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
