Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize