i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
