If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
