We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize