Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
