just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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