You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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