Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
