Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
