And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
