I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
