have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize