drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
