Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
