Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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