are you so shy because you have an std?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
