I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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