...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
