Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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