Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
