I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Is this like a preordered booty call?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
