listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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