So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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