I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
