it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
