im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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