did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
