just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
