You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
