I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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