What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
This toilet bowl is my home.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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