I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
