I can text with my tongue
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
