Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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