I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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