Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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