sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
soo... how was my night?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
