please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize