Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i will never coherently bang her
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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