I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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