She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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