im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
