This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
