I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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