My first STD was from a foam party
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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