cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
