Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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