dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
no, he came in my armpit
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
