My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
