Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
