Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I think people are normalizing furries
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
