Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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