he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
