Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
