you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
