with your own penis?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
They took my balls.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
